Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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