No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
