I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
