He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
