my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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