Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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