I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
