oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
