Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
