Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
