I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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