Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
