He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
