I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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