I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
