he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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