I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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