Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
