I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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