U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
