Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Two words: nipple clamps
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