Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
