Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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