How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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