Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
