I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
