It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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