life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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