I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize