At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
