12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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