hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
