he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
