would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I will be naked everywhere
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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