You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
