so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
birth control should be required to get into college
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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