Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
