I got chris browned last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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