She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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