hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
