His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize