The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
