dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
