I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
