i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
