The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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