Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
