Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
