I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
