I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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