She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
zippers are such a cool invention
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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