dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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