I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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