Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
