I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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