Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
