I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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