Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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