I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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