Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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