i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
