btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize