is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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