the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize