I checked into jail on foursquare
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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