I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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