i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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