Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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