And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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