Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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