I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
