Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
