i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
