I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
