and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
