Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
