I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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