i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
