Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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