We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize