shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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