Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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